Ok so I tried writing a post on 2017 & honest to god it was very depressing. However it was honest so I am going to try & start again, a bit more upbeat. Let me start by explaining I struggled this year a lot. On social media you wont see pictures of me unhappy as who really posts that online? However I am open about how hard I found life this year as for me it always helps when I hear of people who can relate. Therefore I want to use this blog for people who feel the same & may make them feel a bit lighter knowing they aren’t alone.
So here it goes…
Dating; I started 2017 communicating with a catfish, ignoring all the signs as he messed with my head & made me feel like crap. Eventually picked myself up from that to end up with two guys older than me who ended up ghosting me. During the summer I dated a younger guy but the age difference was something I couldn’t ignore no matter how I tried. End of the year saw me with two emotionally unavailable men, one who has become a friend of sorts, the other who made me realise I deserve to demand more for myself. So 2017 is ending with me still single, hopefully 2018 will end differently.
Travel; My best friends hen began my travels with us heading to Edinburgh. I then made my way to Thailand, struggled at the start however I met some wonderful people & am still in contact with one. London was next & this helped me realise that solo travel means doing whatever you want to do, even if this is spending it doing nothing in a park! Belgium was a fantastic short break in August & I finished my travels in Croatia which is an unbelievably beautiful country. I loved all of my trips though sometimes I felt I travelled too much abroad when there is so much to see in Ireland.
Health; Ok so this is partly why I struggled this year & I cant say my health was that bad. However it took my up until August to realise that how I felt for a long time was actually a physical health issue & not necessarily a mental health issue. Basically I have had bouts of depression this year. I mentioned before it is not a term I use lightly, however it was something that affected me. Along with this I had periods of exhaustion where I would come home from work & nap for two hours, still feeling tired after this. This was during the summer where the previous year I spent it hiking every chance I got. So being a vicious circle the lack of exercise & physical exhaustion lead to more depression. Eventually blood tests revealed it was an under-active thyroid which I was aware I would eventually have. I googled symptoms & this made me feel better knowing that I wasn’t imagining them. However by my second blood test my levels corrected themselves which meant I would not be out on medication. I at least am now aware that if the symptoms present themselves there is a possible reason. When I just started feeling normal & got back out to hike, I ended that day with spraining my ankle at home which messed me up for 6 weeks. I looked forward to the Christmas period as I had a week off to hike & I got a bloody cold! 2017 really wanted me to be lazy & put on weight!!
Car problems; When I wasn’t sick during the summer my car was acting up. I loved my car, it was only 8 year old. However every third week I had to leave it in to be fixed. Overall the car cost me €1000 which I really couldn’t afford. I ended up getting further into debt & upgrading my car to a 152.
Concerts; I was lucky enough to see Ed Sheeran this year & he was amazing as usual! I then went to Phil Collins which was way better than expected ( I was also drunker than expected). The Killers supplied me with extreme pleasure in London in July & again in Dublin in November. U2 were also in July however whilst their stage was fantastic I have seen better concerts from them. Little Mix was November & whilst I enjoyed them I felt the sound was sometimes off. Very eclectic genres of concerts!!
This year also saw me putting myself first when making a hard decision. Whilst it wasn’t easy & unfortunately it affected others I am happy to say I don’t regret my decision. I also signed up to a course to try challenge myself. Still awaiting results of my first assignment in 16 years!
So in hindsight I am glad I rewrote this blog post! I don’t think it was as bad as I really felt. I did have hard times & struggled with loneliness which is hard to explain to people when they know me as a social person & have their opinions of my life. People don’t always show their struggles. Mostly everyone tries to put on a brave face but only when people have experienced their own will they understand others. We can all try to be kinder to each other which is easier said than done I know.
For 2018 I have travels to look forward to along with more concerts. I have a divorce to look forward to! I will be testing myself further with this course & still on the lookout for someone to share my life with. I will hopefully still have my Izzie beside me, keeping me sane with her love & loyalty.
I hope 2018 will be a better year for everyone, especially those who lost someone they cared about xxx